God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
