how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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