So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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