I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
