we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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