dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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