I will die if light touches me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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