My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
