I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just high enough for therapy.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
