Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So squirting runs in the family.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
