So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
