considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
