just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
