she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
