So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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