what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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