Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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