i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
