matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She needs sedatives and a leash
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
