if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
