my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
