Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
we're so committed to being not committed
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
