Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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