Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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