Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
