I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
