worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
