I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
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