Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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