Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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