My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
