Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
