Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
