this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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