I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
