I'm gonna have a badass scar
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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