I'm going to jail i love you
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
