That's when you crack a 10am beer
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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