my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
