How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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