remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
