she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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