Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
