At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
