Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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