is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
