Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
