I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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