i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
