I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
