i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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