I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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